December 07, 2008

Jeremy is Great, So Why Doesn't Someone Give Him a Job?

Jeremy is, of course, great, just in case you didn’t read the title, so you should totally find him a job! What is the number one reason he’s great? He’s "a damn funny guy with superb writing skills." Those are his own words, so you know it’s true!

Also, he’s an ex-Marine. How much more badass can you get? What, you want to work with a SEAL? Forget it. Didn’t you watch The Abyss? It's a documentary about a SEAL that freaks out and tries to nuke an alien underwater civilization (without cause, mind you). That's not good work ethics in practice! Nothing wrong with Marines, though. Yes, a Marine is exactly the kind of person you want to share an office with.

Yep, and he can fly planes, which means he’s not just a huge mass of muscle-flesh. He knows how to punch buttons and stuff. Plus, he’s decorated with Air Medals and a Purple Heart. What are Purple Hearts given out for? He had to get hurt to get it—wounded somehow. Either that or he had to have done some pretty awesome, badass, meritorious thing. Or both. How sweet would it be to work with someone who can do meritorious things?! Really freaking sweet, that's how sweet!

No, but I know—you want a nice guy, too. Not just some muscle bound hunk of manhood. He’s got to be a nice person. That’s Jeremy! He cares about stuff, like equal rights for gay people (see source)!

More evidence that Jeremy’s a nice guy? Simple: he puts the toilet seat down. Honest (see source). You KNOW you want to work with a guy who puts the seat down in the unisex restroom!

Yep. But really, he’s a nice guy, he is. He likes helping people. He once helped a woman get her air conditioner working again (she was about to die of heat exhaustion). And it wasn’t because he was trying to get into her pants, either, because she’s a lesbian (see source). See? Really, he is a nice guy.

I’d probably hate him for being one of those manly men I don’t get along with except that he’s also mega-freaking smart. And smart people are entertaining. Entertainment can help you get through a dreadful work week, that's for sure! When you're working overtime, you want to be near someone who can say something interesting to break up the monotony of life. That’s Jeremy! He can tell you how to see the future in a slushee (see source) or regale you with humorous tales of drunken abandon (see source).

Did I mention he’s a nice guy?

And his hair—is not going to be talked about in this essay. But you can see that he’s not ugly by looking at his photos (see photos), which also serve as proof that he’s capable of holding small children without injuring them. That's TOTALLY who you want to work with!

To sum up: ex-Marine, nice guy, smart, entertaining, looking for work. Jeremy is great. He's looking for something in "Biz dev in Entertainment", so hook him up!

Jeremy, with one of the many people who would LOVE to work with him.

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