California Girls Can't Cross Parades

Alternate versions of these events can be found here and here.



At dinner:

The Redhead: "This spaghetti is defeating me."



Later....

The Redhead: "So what do you think of my new chin?"
Me: "Hm."
The Redhead: "Everyone's saying it doesn't look any different."
Me: "It looks totally different."
The Redhead: "Is that a good thing?"
Me: "That depends. Do you want to be young, innocent Sharna? Or do you want to be wise, majestic Sharna of the winds?"
The Redhead: "That one."
Me: "Good then."



After The Redhead has asked a potentially juicy question about my private life that had an answer that was ultimately not juicy and pretty boring:

Me: "It's more fun if I don't answer that."



In a bar, talking to The Redhead on my cell, as she offered excuses for not being able to catch up with me, Desi, and Jerrard for a drink:

The Redhead: "I can't get there. I can't cross the street. There's a--" (Unintelligible)
Me: "A stampede?"
The Redhead: (Unintelligible)
Me: "A blockade?"
The Redhead: (Unintelligible)
Me: "Kool-aid?"
The Redhead: (Unintelligible)
Me: "Dennis Quaid?"
The Redhead: (Unintelligible)
Me: "You're getting laid?"
The Redhead: (Unintelligible)
Me: "No, I'm not really trying anymore."



Walking to my apartment:

Me: "I live in the 24 Hour Fitness building."
The Redhead: (Laughs.)

Upon arriving at my apartment:

The Redhead: "Oh. You were serious."
Me: Yeah, I mean, I say it as a joke, to be funny, but it's also true."



Oh yeah, and I've been published by KNOCK. They're the first literary journal to publish an excerpt of my as yet unpublished experimental novel. See? You can look on this page and see my name there.

We Are a Team

You and I are working on this together, along with everyone else.


And there isn't anything you can do about it.







Also, new stuff on my Web site: the latest 100 Nights episode.

Come to Giant Town!

Giant Town, where your every move will be watched by giants!





Enjoy the splendor of being leered at by an elder giant!




Spend an afternoon at a carnival -- while being watched by a giant woman!




And don't worry -- even while attending church, you will still be watched...by giants!




Giant Town. When you want to make it big, make it...Giant Town!

Found only in Victoria, British Columbia.

When the paper cup tax begins, I'll be ready.

Onward, to the paper cup shortage! Onward to the paper cup tax!




When StarCranks charges you an extra $2 for a paper cup, I'll be laughing it up.




Yes, for I have a secret plan that will save me perhaps $70 or $80 dollars a year!




And there is nothing you can do to stop me.




I will cut my own hair.*






* This is really no different than previous years, but whatever.

** Photos by I.M.Pei.