Chapter 11: An Unseemly Transmission
Wherein Aaron and Ptolemy-Boy discover
Farmer Latham beaten to unconsciousness.
Also wherein later that day Aaron and
Ptolemy-Boy intercept an unruly transmission
that yields suprising information….
“Look, Ptolemy-boy!” Aaron shouted. “Over there, in the tall grass!”
Ptolemy-boy saw it, too. There was a patch of blue showing through the weeds that matched Farmer Latham’s patented shade of overall.
They rushed to the spot and knelt down. Farmer Latham wasn’t moving.
“Let’s wake him up, Ptolemy-Boy!”
Ptolemy-Boy poured water from his trusty canteen on to Farmer Latham’s face.
“Someone’s beaten him to unconsciousness!” said Aaron.
“You fools,” Farmer Latham said, stirring slightly and spitting up water. “The chapter description already said that.”
Later that day, Aaron and Ptolemy-boy found themselves en route to Carstone 7-9er, when a high-priority transmission broke through their thoughtful silence.
“This is fuck niner fuck. How the fuck fuck are you fucks?”
“Ah,” Aaron said, “it’s Rogers.”
He flipped a switch and answered Rogers’ call. “We’re fine, Rogers. What’s up?”
Ptolemy-Boy whispered, “Get ready to be surprised.”
“No no-” Aaron said, “-that would be the wrong thing to do. If we’re prepared to be surprised, then we won’t fulfill the chapter description, because you can’t be surprised if you’re prepared to be. No, we’ll just have to expect nothing.”
Then Aaron said, “Could you repeat that, Rogers? The reader didn’t get to hear what you said while I was talking to Ptolemy-Boy.”
“I for fuck fuck’s sake said, ‘Fuck, I’m going to fuck fuck the fuck fuck out of a fucking fuckmaster alien weirdo who fuck waits fuck tables at the fucking fuck fuck barn’.”
“Why am I not surprised?” Aaron said. “But why are you sharing this with us in a priority message, Rogers?”
“This alien weirdo fucking claims the fuck fuck to be your fuck fuck wife, you fuck fuck fuck!”
Ptolemy-Boy was surprised. “Aaron, you never told me you were married.”
Aaron was surprised also. “I didn’t know I was.”
Rogers said, “And your kids are butt-ugly, no fucks about it!”