February 22, 2007

A Brief History of Ice Cream

Once upon a time, ice cream sucked. Yet, no one noticed because even sucky ice cream is still pretty good.

Then, Ben and Jerry changed the world. They put MEGA huge amounts of chunks in their ice cream. They also swirled their ice cream incredibly well. People suddenly could get a little of everything in every bite! Genius! The ice cream was more expensive, but it was worth it!

Then Ben and Jerry sold their ice cream company and little by little, ice cream began to suck again. For some reason, there were fewer chunks in Ben Jerry's ice cream, and the chunks didn't taste as fresh, either. The new owners even invented "Core" ice cream that was no longer swirled, but instead, required you to dip your utensil into each flavor of ice cream in order to get a taste of everything, much like the sucky old days. So, ice cream went back to sucking and still, no one noticed, because even when it sucks, ice cream is still pretty good.

Pssst...hey, kids! Re-read this blog replacing the words "ice cream" with the word "sex"!

February 17, 2007

I finally saw that film: Crap of Men

Mired in predictability and held back by male-centrism, any statement Children of Men was trying to make was not worth seeing the movie for. Did anyone expect that Michael Caine's character was NOT going to die (hence: why did they even show it?)? And it's too bad the film focuses on the white man's story of how he "helped" the woman and baby get to the boat (sure, he pushed a car during their getaway, but that's about it). The woman (played admirably by Claire Hope Ashitay) went through a lot more than he did, was way more important to humanity, and was more interesting as well, so why was the story told completely from the white guy's perspective?

One thing the film did do well was subject you to an apocalyptic world of refugee life not unlike circumstances that exist all over the world today. These scenes were enhanced by clever film-making and are commendable.

In other news (but related allegorically), I had a dream last night that a three year old was pregnant and had the baby, the first baby the Earth had seen after 18 years of complete infertility. When the baby came out, it was a little baby pig and went to join the other animals on the farm. What does it mean? What does it mean?

February 14, 2007

A Six Word Short Story and Me On Blogtalkradio!

The story:

A Leap Into The Grand Canyon

No time to talk.

Good bye.

And to catch me and several others reading some material on Deborah Leeson's Blogtalkradio show, go here: Between The Covers.

When? 6pm PST.

February 03, 2007

Lasagna Night: Damage Report

Damage report:

2 PBR's.

9 bottles of wine.

1 Half bottle of Woodford Reserve.

2 glasses of milk.

Supplies confiscated:

One box of wine glasses.

Crackers and cheese.

Garlic bread.

One loaf of nut bread.

Two black women's jackets.

One book (Letters From The Earth, by Mark Twain).

One box of cowboy band-aids.

One deck of cards.

One NES controller, customized with moo-cow applique.

One cell phone.

One iPod.

February 01, 2007

Me vs. Turner Construction

Or, Obscure Social Interest Victory Is Mine!

I win, Turner Construction. You closed a one block section of sidewalk for around 13 weeks, forcing me to cross Denny Way back and forth each time I walked to or from school. Denny Way is a busy street, so often this added five minutes onto my trip. After 13 weeks, that added up to hours of lost productivity. And that's why I sent the City of Seattle after you.

Round about week 12, I contacted the Citizens Service Bureau, at cityofseattle.net. They passed my message on to the appropriate city agency (the Street Use department of the DOT). A Planning and Development Specialist quickly contacted me to verify the location of the street closure. Then, a Street Use Inspector was sent to investigate. Soon after, Turner Construction paved that city block properly and took down the fences.

I win! And I am most impressed with the City of Seattle. I didn't even have to use the phone (all of this was accomplished over email).