December 29, 2008

Roadnotes: Seattle to Iowa

The following takes place on December 24th, a time when all of Seattle had been bathed in snow for many agonizing, city-shut-down-ing days.

We decide to take a bus that will take us to another bus that will take us to the airport.

We could drive, but that would be near-suicide on some streets. We could catch a cab, but all the cabs were in high demand and weren't taking calls from dispatch--we'd have to be lucky enough to catch one that was willing to go to the airport.

We could have called a shuttle, but I doubted that the shuttle would be able to navigate the fresh snow on the side streets.

So we got on a bus that was going to take us to another bus that was going to take us to the airport.

A man got on the bus after us, sat down nearby, then said, "Man, I been through Hurricane Katrina and it wasn't this messed up."

I immediately wrote that down. 30 minutes later we started waiting the 50 minutes it would take to wait for the next bus that would take 50 minutes to get to the airport. But we made our flight. Oh yes, we made our flight.

December 22, 2008

Seattle's Snow Removal Plan (and a tip on cool virtual stuff for kids)

Seattle's snow removal plan:

Wait until it goes away.

And I bet you it's going to work, eventually.

And if you know kids that need something to do over winter break, consider a virtual camp course. I'm only plugging them because they really are very cool, don't involve anyone going out in the cold, and the kid will create something awesome, no matter which you choose to sign up for. (But my suggestion and favorite is the Game Design course.)

Quirky Movie I Want To See

Stay the Same Never Change

You can watch a quirky trailer here. It'll be at Sundance, just in case any of you are going.

Brought to you by Laurel Nakadate, the same artist that flew to Japan just to film herself having imaginary sex with ghosts in hotel rooms. Brought to you by the same artist that filmed herself standing in a girl scout uniform as the World Trade Center burned behind her. Brought to you by the same artist that filmed herself trying to teach old men Britney Spears moves.

December 18, 2008

The Cold

What a stupid idea.

December 15, 2008

Why Farts Follow You

The Phenomena: You fart, just outside of a car or an elevator. When you get in the car or elevator, somehow, the fart smell appears. It has seemingly followed you as if by magic!

Hypothesis: When you fart, a good deal of the heavy matter (particles with the offending smell) stays in your clothing. As you move, sway, or breathe, the heavy matter is released in steady doses over the next few minutes.

The Experiment: Next time you have to fart and are about to get into a car or elevator, get naked. Without your clothes, the heavy matter's release will be unrestricted and the scent will not follow you.

Remember: Only together (and naked) can we discover the truth about farts.

December 07, 2008

Jeremy is Great, So Why Doesn't Someone Give Him a Job?

Jeremy is, of course, great, just in case you didn’t read the title, so you should totally find him a job! What is the number one reason he’s great? He’s "a damn funny guy with superb writing skills." Those are his own words, so you know it’s true!

Also, he’s an ex-Marine. How much more badass can you get? What, you want to work with a SEAL? Forget it. Didn’t you watch The Abyss? It's a documentary about a SEAL that freaks out and tries to nuke an alien underwater civilization (without cause, mind you). That's not good work ethics in practice! Nothing wrong with Marines, though. Yes, a Marine is exactly the kind of person you want to share an office with.

Yep, and he can fly planes, which means he’s not just a huge mass of muscle-flesh. He knows how to punch buttons and stuff. Plus, he’s decorated with Air Medals and a Purple Heart. What are Purple Hearts given out for? He had to get hurt to get it—wounded somehow. Either that or he had to have done some pretty awesome, badass, meritorious thing. Or both. How sweet would it be to work with someone who can do meritorious things?! Really freaking sweet, that's how sweet!

No, but I know—you want a nice guy, too. Not just some muscle bound hunk of manhood. He’s got to be a nice person. That’s Jeremy! He cares about stuff, like equal rights for gay people (see source)!

More evidence that Jeremy’s a nice guy? Simple: he puts the toilet seat down. Honest (see source). You KNOW you want to work with a guy who puts the seat down in the unisex restroom!

Yep. But really, he’s a nice guy, he is. He likes helping people. He once helped a woman get her air conditioner working again (she was about to die of heat exhaustion). And it wasn’t because he was trying to get into her pants, either, because she’s a lesbian (see source). See? Really, he is a nice guy.

I’d probably hate him for being one of those manly men I don’t get along with except that he’s also mega-freaking smart. And smart people are entertaining. Entertainment can help you get through a dreadful work week, that's for sure! When you're working overtime, you want to be near someone who can say something interesting to break up the monotony of life. That’s Jeremy! He can tell you how to see the future in a slushee (see source) or regale you with humorous tales of drunken abandon (see source).

Did I mention he’s a nice guy?

And his hair—is not going to be talked about in this essay. But you can see that he’s not ugly by looking at his photos (see photos), which also serve as proof that he’s capable of holding small children without injuring them. That's TOTALLY who you want to work with!

To sum up: ex-Marine, nice guy, smart, entertaining, looking for work. Jeremy is great. He's looking for something in "Biz dev in Entertainment", so hook him up!

Jeremy, with one of the many people who would LOVE to work with him.

December 04, 2008

I reduce thousands of novels to two sentences

I had really good Indian food there once.

And then I kept going back and it was never that good again.

December 01, 2008

Roadnotes: Tacoma / Portland

So, I went to Tacoma.

I had room service and chose the only non-vegetarian item on the menu: a fruit bowl that comes on a plate. The majority of the fruit had gone bad, so my girlfriend complained. They didn't charge us for it.

It was still a lot of trouble for a free banana, but still. I'd recommend Hotel Murano now, since everything else was great (at least, I'd recommend it if you have the means - our stay was on another's dime).

The glass museum had some stuff by Chihuly. Chihuly's all right, if you're in the mood for Dr. Seuss-inspired glass imagery. Except nothing rhymed, so it wasn't as cool as I really wanted it to be.

The next weekend, I went to Portland.

It was a family trip. Thanksgiving. A ton of mashed potatoes. And board games / card games. I played Sequence. It was actually fun.

But sadly, once again, I wasn't capable of putting together some kind of Portlandian blog-meet.

However, I was able to take this photo:

Come on, Amtrak. Four garbage bins in a row without a recycling bin? Yikes. Changing something on an Amtrak train must involve more paperwork than a Vatican-recognized miracle.

And Shawn / Sean (I'm not sure what spelling you use) - do email us, okay? I didn't get your information because I was confident you would send us a message when you got the chance. It was excellent meeting you on the train.

November 11, 2008

The Other Side Will Never Die

We can't shut the opposition out or pretend the opposition doesn't exist. We have to live with them, and help them understand how to live with us.

FREE SHOW! If you're in Seattle Friday night, I'll be in a 3-piece suit, reading at the KNOCK Magazine release party. 7pm. Jewel Box Theater inside The Rendezvous. (I'm also opening for Jonathan Evison on December 11 - that one's free, too, and even includes free beer and an Appalachian wedding buffet.)

November 10, 2008

The Opposition Will Reappear

Let's watch out for new looks glossing over the same old approach. Change is not a decoration.

November 09, 2008

Okay, It's Time to Play the Cynic

Okay. Obama is the president-elect. Now it's time to play the cynic and push for what we want. Nothing will change without hard work at the grassroots level.

November 06, 2008

Welcome to Sweet Misery

So, this is what it feels like to have a leader you care about. It's wonderful, inspiring, and frightening all at the same time.

November 05, 2008

The Victory Speech

I think during Obama's victory speech, millions of tiny tentacles went out and attached to the bellies of U.S. citizens, including mine. And it's weird, because I didn't mind.

November 02, 2008

Maybe this is about Obama. Maybe it's about you.

You might be familiar with what happened on my last blog (here).

Summary: McCain supporters (and one blatant racist) commented heavily. Some comments were benign, but a majority of the comments were either sexist, racist, overly-combative, or just downright rude.

Many people responded to these comments. These responses came primarily from pro-Obama and supporters of independents in the election. Their responses were factual, issue-focused, respectful, and just downright wonderful. If you were involved in a positive way, I thank you.

And while being a McCain supporter doesn't in any way mean you are a rude person, arguments based on fear, misinformation, and name-calling are tactics I associate with the McCain campaign.

On the contrary, a measured, logical response focused on the issues is something I associate with the Obama campaign.

If this is any indication of which candidate would make the better president, the choice is very clear.

In any case, whatever happens on Tuesday, let's proceed respectfully. Antagonistic participation in the political war of polar opposites is for petty people.