Roadnotes: Cleveland 2

The following is based on events that happened on December 24th through the 26th.

It's a good little Xmas. I don't have my gifts for others because I had to order parts from Germany and they didn't arrive in time, but no one cares. I come in second in the annual RISK game. And then it's off to the Amtrak station, where I'm convinced once again that vegetarians just don't travel, this time by attempting to eat the worst veggie burger ever made.

It's a 12 hour train ride. I sleep a little and work a little.

Next stop: New York City, Penn Street Station.

Roadnotes: Cleveland 1

The following is based on events that happened on December 23rd.

To get to Cleveland, I have to go through Houston. That apparently makes a ton of sense to those who sell airline tickets and no one else.

However, on the way, I learn a secret. If the airplane bathroom is locked and the sign displaying OCCUPIED, you can open the little plaque thing that often says LAVATORY and move a knob to slide the OCCUPIED sign over to VACANT, and thus, unlock the door.

And seriously, do vegetarians just not travel or something? Because, airports have a decidedly unvegetarian-friendly menu at times, and so do airplanes. I suppose I should be glad to get any food at all, but my choices were turkey or ham.

No matter. On my first leg of the journey, I wind up on the same plane as Jonathan Evison. We had recently read together at a KNOCK release party (he's an incredibly funny writer, by the way). After the flight, I bugged him and his wife about grabbing some food, and he knew about this quaint airport diner that turned out to be not that good (it was recommended to him--not his choice). But, we tried it. We got called "y'all" and had some great shakes. The burgers (mine was a veggie) were not all that great and the special sauce...not all that special. However, I got to bug Mr. Evison about Soft Skull Press (his new book, All About Lulu, is scheduled to come out soon on the Soft Skull label and they are one of my favorite publishers). He had nothing but good things to say.

Fresh off the plane in Cleveland, I get treated to a wind-tunnel barrage of cold. Oh yeah, so that's what cold is. Living in Seattle makes me forgetful.

Now you don’t have to read the last Harry Potter book, part 12

35

Harry is suddenly in some sort of other-world. He has a conversation with Dumbledore, where Dumbledore sort of explains that Harry is dead, or not, depending on Harry's choice. Dumbledore seems to be saying that since Voldemort and Harry are bound as one, Harry can go back to life, now, without the part of Voldemort's soul that he used to be carrying. This doesn't make a ton of sense, but whatever.

36

Harry comes back to life, then plays dead as Voldemort has Harry's body carried back to Hogwarts. When they get to the school, there is a brief demonstration of Voldemort's power just before all heck breaks loose. The centaurs and house elves get involved and Neville destroys the "last" Horcrux by slicing up Voldemort's serpent friend (even though Dumbledore described Harry as the last Horcrux in Chapter 35). Then, a battle takes place in which the Death Eaters are routed and somehow Harry and Voldemort end up facing off with everyone watching. Then Harry explains that Draco is the "real" master of the Elder Wand and since Harry defeated Draco during the last few chapters, Harry is the real master now. I'm completely unclear on a bunch of things, here. How did Draco become master of the Elder Wand? How did Neville get a hold of the sword of Gryffindor? (Last I knew, it was in a goblin's hands.) And I'm still thinking it doesn't really make any sense that Harry came back to life and all. But, whatever.

Epilogue

We are presented with proof that Harry and Ginny finally got it on, because now it is 19 years later and they have three kids. Ron and Hermione managed it, too, as they are there, sending their kid off to Hogwarts, also. Neville is apparently a teacher at Hogwarts, but we are given no information on what the others are doing for a living besides raising kids, which would have actually been interesting. As it is, the epilogue is entirely redundant.

Now you don’t have to read the last Harry Potter book, part 11

My copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is 965 pages--pages I'd rather skip--but since I really want to find out what happened, I'm going to finish the series. Here are the next three chapters in my concise summary of the book, so you don't have to read it. Finally, we are near the end.

!!! SPOILERS !!! SPOILERS !!! SPOILERS !!!

31

Ron and Hermione figure out a way to destroy the Hufflepuff Horcrux, then they catch up to Harry who has figurd out where the "last Horcrux" is. They find it, destroy it, then mention that they still have to destroy the snake, Nagini, who is apparently now the last Horcrux. Meanwhile, they have a run-in with Crabbe, Goyle, and Draco. Crabbe dies of his own ineptitude and Goyle and Draco need to be rescued from Crabbe's fire creatures. At the end of the chapter, there is some kind of confusing event (explosion?) during the battle of Hogwarts and Fred Weasley dies.

32

Harry, Ron, and Hermione fight their way through mayhem including spiders, giants and dementors. They use the tunnel that starts at the Whomping Willow to crawl to where Voldemort is talking to Snape. Harry spies on Voldemort as he tells Snape (essentially) that he experiences erectile dysfunction whenever he faces Harry Potter (this is couched in terms like "my wand failed" and such). Then, Voldemort explains that since Snape killed Dumbledore and that Voldemort took Dumbledore's wand, Voldemort must kill Snape to be the full "owner" of the Elder Wand. So he has Nagini bite Snape and runs off to join the battle. Harry comes out of hiding to watch Snape die, but when Snape sees him Snape says, "Take it...take it..." and then dies, but not before he emits a shifty, silvery blue non-gas that Harry and Hermione collect in a flask. We know that Harry knows what it is because Rowling tells us, but I don't know what it is until next chapter, because I don't remember every solid thing about the Harry Potter universe.

33

Voldemort gives everybody one hour to send Harry Potter to meet him in the Forbidden Forest. Then, Harry ditches Ron and Hermione and uses the vial of Snape's memories to do some sightseeing in Snape's past. We find out that Snape was on Dumbledore's side all along, and had even been asked to kill Dumbledore, and this partnership came about because of Snape's childhood crush on Lily, Harry's mother.

34

Harry Potter decides to go through with the plan: give himself up to Voldemort. Apparently, Ron and Hermione could give a crap because they don't even bother trying to find him and help. Harry grabs the Resurrection Stone, chats with a bunch of ghosts (his parents, Sirius, and more), sees Neville Longbottom (and tells him to kill Nagini), then meets up with Voldemort. Harry lets Voldemort draw his wand and flash a green light at him.


The conclusion...and a return to normal blogging coming soon....

Now you don’t have to read the last Harry Potter book, part 9

My copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is 965 pages--pages I'd rather skip--but since I really want to find out what happened, I'm going to finish the series. Here are the next three chapters in my concise summary of the book, so you don't have to read it.

!!! SPOILERS !!! SPOILERS !!! SPOILERS !!!

Chapter 28

Harry, Ron, and Hermione Disapperate into Hogsmeade, but the whole place is swarming with Death Eaters looking for them. They are saved by someone they recognize as the bartender from the Hog's Head, then no one expresses any amount of surprise when they discover he is actually Albus Dumbledore's brother. He agrees to help them sneak into Hogwarts, then Neville Longbottom hops out of a portrait.

Chapter 29

After walking through a portrait into Hogwarts, Dumbledore's Army gathers (this includes people I actually remember, like Luna, Fred, George, Ginny, and Cho). Somehow, they reason that the "last Horcrux" looks like the lost diadem of Rowena Ravenclaw, so Luna takes Harry to see a sculpture of it so they know what it looks like. Then, they are caught by Alecto Carrow (apparently one of the evil people I don't remember from previous books), who immediately summons Voldemort.

Chapter 30

Luna takes care of one Carrow (both the Carrow twins I don't remember are there now), then Professor McGonagall shows up and takes care of the other. Then, McGonagall decides to risk it all, sends Snape into cowardly running, and alerts the entire castle while beginning an evacuation plan for the kids. Meanwhile, the rest of the Weasley family shows up, as well as Lupin, Harry's whole Quidditch team, and more--they are all ready to fight Voldemort who is at the gates.

Now you don’t have to read the last Harry Potter book, part 9

My copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
is 965 pages--pages I'd rather skip--but since I really want to find
out what happened, I'm going to finish the series. Here are the next
three chapters in my concise summary of the book, so you don't have to
read it.

!!! SPOILERS !!! SPOILERS !!! SPOILERS !!!

Chapter 25

Harry is a little surprised at himself for deciding not to try to beat Voldemort to the Elder Wand, especially as he can "not remember ever before, choosing not to act". Apparently, Harry has forgotten most of the first half of this book. Harry makes an ill-advised, sneaky deal with Griphook, the goblin, that contains a lot of ultimately irrelevant foreboding overtones, for while Harry, Ron, and Hermione think that they need the sword of Gryffindor to destroy Horcruxes, they are conveniently proven wrong later on in the book.

Chapter 26

Surprise! What with all the foreboding undertones and all, no one would actually be surprised that Griphook takes off with the sword the minute he gets his hands on it. However, he does help Harry, Ron, and Hermione break into a Gringott's vault. Then, the three of them escape by riding a dragon out. In the meantime, they manage to steal the cup of Hufflepuff, which is apparently a Horcrux. I know I'm not reading this as closely as some Harry Potter fans, but this is the first I've heard of this Hufflepuff cup being a Horcrux. Was this actually mentioned somewhere earlier?

Chapter 27

For some reason (perhaps a lack of fact-checking), Voldemort thinks he killed Dumbledore (on p. 704). He also finally figures out that Harry is hunting Horcruxes and goes to check on them to see that they're safe. Harry, meanwhile, reads Voldemort's mind through his dream/bond connection and thusly finds out the "last Horcrux" is at Hogwarts.

I am coming to NYC

And I want the best people in the city (you) to welcome me.

I get off the Amtrak at 7:35pm (Penn Station) on December 26th. I would like there to be hugs and photo opportunities. And after that: dinner and drinks. Also, I'm still not exactly sure where I'm staying, so offer me a place if you feel like it. I think I have this covered, but I haven't confirmed anything as yet and I like to have options.

So, if you want to come to what may end up being a mass MySpace meetup, keep in mind that the train could well be late (as Amtrak usually is). I'll be updating key people of any delays by text message, but you can also call Amtrak and ask about the 48 Lake Shore Limited.

(And, if you're one of the folks that recently offered me and my two travel partners a place to stay, I'll be in touch soon. Thanks!)

So...let's discuss the trip, people. What should we see? Where should we drink? I've been once before, but both my travel comrades will be there for the first time.

Now you don't have to read the last Harry Potter book, part 8

My copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
is 965 pages--pages I'd rather skip--but since I really want to find
out what happened, I'm going to finish the series. Here are the next
three chapters in my concise summary of the book, so you don't have to
read it.

Chapter 22

Harry, Ron, and Hermione listen to the radio. Then, Harry says the word, "Voldemort" and suddenly they are surrounded by nasty folks, as the Ministry has instituted a way of tracking the name.

Chapter 23

The trio is captured by the nasty folks (which begs the question: if Hermione has time to cast a spell on Harry in order to disguise him, why didn't she just grab Harry and Ron and Disapparate out of there like she's been doing time and time again throughout the book so far?). However, the disguise spell doesn't even matter, because Harry is eventually found out and they are brought to the Malfoys. Voldemort is summoned but before he can get there, Dobby the house elf saves Harry by Disapparating him away, with the sword of Gryffindor and the goblin, Griphook. There is a confusing moment in which I think Dobby dies because the sword accidentally punctured him, but in the next chapter I learn that Dobby died from a dagger thrown right at Harry Potter as they Disapparated. Don't ask me how a dagger thrown right at Harry ends up killing Dobby because I don't know. Dobby's last words are, "Harry..Potter..."

Chapter 24

Harry Potter digs a grave for Dobby and figures out where the Elder Wand is (at Hogwarts). He figures that Voldemort is going after the Elder Wand, but since Dumbledore wanted Harry to go for Horcruxes, he decides not to go after the wand himself. This is probably a good decision, because if someone told me about a wand that made you unbeatable, and then explained how the wand had been passed down from wizard to wizard after each new owner defeated the previous owner, I'd be a little suspicious of the wand's merit.

(Special thanks to Nina and Swede Hurt, who especially seem to enjoy this blog series.)

Roadnotes: San Francisco 2

The following is based on events that happened on November 30 and a little bit of December 1 and 2.

...

We walk around, see a bunch of stuff, eat a bunch of food. You know...San Francisco type things.

Saturday night, we meet up with friends of the girlfriend's and we all go and make nuisances of ourselves at a bar.

...

We regain consciousness at the Fairmont hotel and wonder how anyone could possibly be awake at the hour of 11:20am. It's too early, but we get up anyway. There's the whole checking out thing and I haven't seen food for 12 hours. That's approximately crisis-time, for me.

We run into our drinking cohorts and they are worse off than us, some of them.

We eat.

Then, we sample the photography of the SF MOMA with a good friend of mine from the Denver days. She takes us to the Millennium after that and we are pleasantly pleased with the food, service, everything.

...

My girlfriend is still suffering from a hangover when we get to the airport. Though she had teased me about paying for water on our way to San Francisco, now when I ask her if she wants water she says "Yes" without a pause.

The flight back is smooth and easy, so far as we know.

Roadnotes San Francisco 1

The following is based on events that happened on November 30 and a little bit of December 1.

...

Once again, I am reminded that vegetarians are not welcome at the Seattle airport. It's sad when your best option for non-meat protein is a BK Veggie sandwich. Ah well. I ate, anyway.

...

My girlfriend makes fun of me for buying water while waiting to board the plane.

"You can get water for free anytime you want on the plane," she says.

But I need water big time. I pretty much never stop drinking it and prefer to have it on hand.

...

On the plane, I wait until the personnel are busy, then I ask, "Want some water?"

The plan, of course, is for her to say, "Yes," and then for me to say, "Well, just snap for your fingers, then, and I'm sure it will appear. You can get water any time you want." But she doesn't fall for it.

...

We touch down at SFO around 9:30 but it's 11:00 by the time we get to our hotel. There, the hotel clerk hooks us up with a sweet room upgrade, free of charge. This doesn't happen to me when I'm not traveling with a beautiful woman.

After we drop off our bags, we walk around Japantown a bit, then hop in a cab and head for Nopa. There, we eat well, drink well, and are served well. Well well well.

And that was the night, more or less.