I have been informed that a heterosexual male cannot have fulfilling friendships with females unless he is currently having sex with them. Thus, female friends of mine, we must commence at once. I can’t afford to lose friends and there is no point in delaying what people have informed me is inevitable: we must get it on.
I apologize for not knowing about these rules. You probably thought there was something wrong because I had not initiated the sex act with you. Or, you thought I was gay. In any case, it wasn't you. It was me. It was my ignorance of the social mores of our time. I won’t make this mistake again.