November 12, 2005

A letter from the archives...

I was sorting the last of the files moved off my old computer a year ago and I found this copy of a letter I typed up to a friend. I thought it was kind of funny.


Dear G____,

It is nineteen ninety nine.

Our ship has touched down unexpectedly just north of the Quixote boundary (you know, near the rocks purported to be shaped like windmills). Our ship's cruise controller, Donald "I ate all the plutonium" Shamberg, has done it again. Now we have no power left for take off. Trapped here as I am, I shall have to wait until the next expedition arrives to give them this letter for you.

Unfortunately, I shall be dead by then. On a lighter note, Donald "I ate all of the plutonium" Shamberg isn't feeling well, so there should be ample freeze dried desert tonight. Yes, it is a lonely place, this planet Doosy. We are supposed to begin construction on the new and improved Biosphere 16000, but the captain mysteriously died after taking a drink of his tea, shouting, "Poison...Poison!" while convulsing terribly. I wonder what kind of cook would make such awful tasting tea for the captain? Anyway, no one much feels like building the Biosphere 16000 so all twenty two thousand of us are cramped into this tiny tin can of a ship.

I've left instructions, hoping that when the next expedition arrives, they will still speak and read the same kind of English as I am writing right now. The instructions say to take my letter back in time to the date listed above and mail it from planet Earth, so that you will actually get this letter a few days from now. I could have told them to hand deliver it to you personally, but I didn't want to be a bother. Besides, mail is fun!

Ah, a time traveler just arrived with a letter to me and M_______ from you and C____. M_______ must have forwarded it to me after receiving it in Denver. What's this? A Christmas card? Thank you so much, both of you. And a belated Merry Christmas to you, too. M_______ must have hired someone to take me the letter, whenever in the future time travel became possible, so that I would get the letter shortly after my landing on planet Doosy. How thoughtful. It's too bad there is no way off of this rock.


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