January 05, 2006

I have beaten you, CIA Agent Jones!

Or Johnson or whatever your name is.

I admit. It was kind of funny when you got assigned to me and had nothing better to do than eliminate all sources of my favorite gum, Everest.

And it took me a while to figure out what had happened, too. I was living in Denver at the time and even contacted the company. When they responded, listing several places that I knew USED to carry Everest, I realized something was up. Obviously, you were intercepting the shipments that were supposed to go to Target and the 7-Eleven. And everywhere else in Denver, too.

But then I found that little convenience store in the new Webb Building. You didn't think about that place, did you?! Or maybe you thought it was just hilarious watching me go through security there just to buy a tin of Everest gum.

Ha. Real funny, Agent Jones. I got wise to you in the end, though - I bought online. Yes, you made sure Everest's direct purchase web form was not working but you couldn't stop candydirect.com, could you? Of course, I had to buy a case, but if you refrigerate them they stay pretty fresh.

Now I've moved to Seattle. At first, I saw Everest everywhere. I thought, "Did Agent Jones get reassigned?"

I soon realized - you knew I still had half of that case of Everest left. So you were biding your time, making me feel secure about my ability to buy Everest in all of the places that Everest's customer service representative told me I should be able to buy it.

But as soon as the case of Everest was down to its last tin of gum I realized: Everest was nowhere. I checked Target, 7-Eleven and all those other corporate chains and could not find it!

You are a wily one, you!

But you see, I found a source. I found a place in Seattle where I can buy Everest and I don't even have to go through a metal detector! And I'm not telling you where it is, Agent Jones!

1 comment:

Joey Polanski said...

A HOLE case o Everest, Mr Dietz? Thats majer weigt! Thats possesion wit intent t distribute! You coud get 30 years!

But were not intrestd in you, sir. We want th big fish. Th sorce. Th supplyer.

Cooperate an well go easy on ya. Were bildin a RICO case gainst candydirect.com. Well give ya a hole new name, a hole new life. Witness pertection program.

J. Edgar Polanski