Many people have asked, whether out of concern or just curiosity: why haven't I been evicted yet? Months ago, I walked out on a job at The Corporation determined to become a paid writer or be evicted trying. Well, neither has happened. Yet.
However, I've come up with a solution for now: I'm going back to school (with Rodney Dangerfield!).
Yes, I know. I'm disappointed, too. I was actually looking forward to the eviction. It would have been fun to couch surf for a while, just me and my laptop and a long list of friends I've wanted to visit and mooch off of.
But liquidating the rest of my possessions just felt like it would be a big chore. It seemed easier NOT to get evicted, to just put rent on the card and not have to try to sell the 1969 Contessa acoustic guitar my mom gave me. Or the 1974 Fender Precision bass my aunt gave me. I kept those. I also have kept a few books and the master tapes of many recording sessions. Oh yes, and the LEGO bricks are still safe and sound in their five Rubbermaid tubs.
Rest assured - I have not come back to my senses. I'm going back to school, which is normally a smart thing to do, but I'm doing it the wrong way. I'm paying twenty grand a year for tuition to finish up a Bachelor's Degree. And get this: my degree will be useless. Yes, that's right. It will not help me get a job.
So again, I assure you, the absolutely insane writer wanna-be is still quite insane and is still putting writing at the forefront of all priorities.
My degree may end up being called "Creative Writing, Contemporary Fiction and the Future of Book Design" or something like that. You see, I get to decide what my degree will be in and what I want to study. This is what you can have if you're willing to go twenty grand into debt per year, not counting living expenses. So, my degree, you see, will be tailored to the writing that I want to do anyway. Genius! (That is, it's "genius" if one doesn't care about fucking one's self financially.)
So that's it. I got the maximum Stafford Loans, a small sum from a Pell Grant (thank goodness, whoever Pell was). And I'll be living off money that Sallie Mae agreed to loan me.
I just thought you should know. I'll get back to the funny next time.